What is confidence and self-confidence?
Self-confidence is an attitude which allows us to have positive and realistic views of ourselves. We trust in ourselves. We feel confident. It isn’t about thinking that things will always go well, it is about coping with the uncertainty that things might not go as we hoped, and dealing with it calmly. If we feel confident, we trust that we have the resources to deal with the situation ourselves and over time we build confidence.
If we are not self-confident we depend on the approval of others, if people approve of us, then we feel good, we avoid taking risks because we fear we may fail, we often doubt ourselves, we give ourselves negative self-talk, we feel we have to conform to be accepted. If we do not conform then people won’t like us, so we learn not to say NO. This sort of behaviour does not build confidence.
Many elements affect the development of self-confidence. A supportive home environment is very important to our feelings about ourselves when we are small, particularly in our early years, which is the time we build confidence in ourselves. When our parents accept us and tell us they love us, give us their time and encourage us, then we then feel good about ourselves and we feel we can do anything. If they are critical or demanding, put us down or discourage us moving towards independence we may become to believe that we are not capable of doing anything right, we are worthless.
We then might lose the power to recognise any of our strong points. We might feel no-good and incapable, we will find we cannot handle criticism in our lives, and be aware of mistakes we have made in the past, we will blame ourselves, and this will stop us from taking risks in the future.
And this can go on and make itself known in other areas of our life:
- Fear of rejection
- Giving a presentation
- Nervousness before a test
- Meeting people
- Fear of driving
- Speaking up at meetings
- Shyness in social events.
- Saying no
- Being assertive
- Binge drinking
A loving home environment is a good starting point, especially for children. However, its only the first chapter, it is our first contact with the world.
As we grow up we will also be affected by how everyone else treats us, when we leave home, go to University, start a job, or long term unemployment. These are some of the things that would knock anyone’s confidence in themselves. With a good loving family life this helps, but the set backs of everyday life often shatters our beliefs in ourselves, sometimes leading on to alcohol or drug abuse. Those who start University, and they leave the nest, make new friends etc. often lose their confidence or get anxious.
Build confidence the right way
Confidence is joined with assertiveness, we need to learn these skills to help us to deal with difficult situations that knock our self esteem, its something we can build on in many different ways. We need to learn to say NO and thus start to build confidence.
It is also important to do something meaningful, either fun or useful, learning skills, taking up a sport or activity all this can help with lack of confidence. Think about areas in your life you are confident in, and then use the same skills to build confidence in the areas you feel are lacking in it.
This is where hypnotherapy can help you to regain or build confidence. You have a whole range of tools, strengths, skills, abilities and strategies available to you, and we are going to teach you how to use them. We cannot change what went on in your earlier years, but we can help you to let negative feelings go, and turn those negative thoughts into positive ones by changing your negative self talk into positive self talk, re-programme your beliefs and goals in a positive way, and see yourself in the future being that new confident you. You can teach your unconscious mind new patterns, remind it of your successes. Hypnotherapy will boost your confidence, and help you to feel more relaxed in situations which were once frightening, so that you feel better about yourself and start to plan for the future with confidence.